So I hope you all haven't missed me too much! I have been working still at the new job I told you all about last time. I absolutely love it and hope I stay on permanent. That has been my good excuse for lack of posts. The holiday season was brutal but it is over.
My life has completely changed in the past four months. So much so, at times I just stare out and wonder what really happened? Most of which I have no idea why. 2013 was the worst year of my life. And it still carried over to early 2014 now as well. Trying to find the lesson and meaning in it all.
People tell me just focus on me. It's hard to just think of myself and be selfish. I have been used to taking care of another person for so long. Living with that person. Being with them. Loving them. I don't know how to separate the two. Putting someone before me was just a daily habit. I have always been a giver. But I guess that means you leave your happiness in their hands as well. So if you know what hits the fan, then where does that leave you? If everything goes away how do you rebuild? It's hard to be there for someone who has made it clear they don't want you or your help. They are struggling and I don't know how to cut that cord. I still feel attached and want to cry and be there for them. But I guess my lesson is of letting go even when it hurts. My loyalty always makes it hard for me to do that. If someone doesn't want the help you have to just back away. Right ?
I usually just throw myself into everything and think later. Which is good and bad. So the job has really helped me try and move forward as much as I can. It's a daily struggle to not to be down. I am trying to find the happiness even through the trauma. This way I'll have my happiness from within no matter what circumstances life throws at me. If I'm left with nothing again. I will know how to pick up the pieces.
Well thanks for letting me vent through my writing. I will be catching you guys up on any new posts being that I have a few days off. Thanks for staying with me and supporting me. It means the world to me as it always has. I also wish you all a very happy new year. Health first. Love. Everything else your heart desires :)
Signing off a " Coffee " Diva